Review by: Corinne Perry

the breakup journal, 2024, paperback, 296 pages.

ISBN: 979-8873885046

“The important lesson being: Pain, like any other entity or energy in this world, just wants space to exist, to be. When we close ourselves off to it, we essentially tell pain that it isn’t allowed to be. Like any other entity that wants to stay alive, it will fight. This fight is often what causes us suffering, not the actual pain itself.”

-Jaymen Chang, i love this version of myself that you brought out.

In I love this version of myself that you brought out, Jaymen Chang offers a memoir intertwined with self-help, rooted in his personal experiences of heartbreak and healing. From the start, Chang draws readers into his intimate world with truth and honesty. His approach combines introspection and actionable insights, guiding readers through their own journeys of love and loss. 

Chang’s vulnerability in recounting the emotional aftermath of relationships resonates universally. Through essays, letters, journal entries, and poems, he reflects on the complexities of heartbreak in ways that are relatable and thought-provoking. 

A standout feature of this book is its seamless blend of memoir and self-help. Chang not only shares personal stories but also transforms these experiences into lessons, encouraging readers to apply his insights to their own lives. This is not just a memoir of heartbreak; it is also a guide filled with actionable advice that readers can take to help rebuild their lives. This approach sets the book apart, offering a practical framework for growth.

One of the most poignant sections titled, “Lessons in Love – The Three Heartbreaks That Taught Me the Most,” showcases three pivotal moments that shaped Chang’s understanding of love. Each heartbreak provides distinct lessons, illustrating how such experiences contribute to personal evolution.

Most notably, in “Part 2: To Be on the Receiving End of Heartbreak,” Chang offers a detailed account of his first experience as the one being hurt, rather than the one doing the hurting. He captures the emotions of rejection and disillusionment:

“This was the type of heartbreak that was world shattering, appetite destroying, sleep depriving, and stomach turning.”

Reflecting on his initial reaction, Chang admits to vilifying his ex-partner as a defense mechanism, and he spares no detail in recounting the struggle to come to terms with the fact that someone he loved chose to walk away. He writes:

“At this point in my journey, I had only broken someone else’s heart, so this was my first experience ‘being on the receiving end of heartbreak’… I would constantly tell myself ‘how bad of a person she was’ and how ‘evil’ she was, and it really helped me frame myself in the context of my first heartbreak. I was constantly jealous that she loved someone else and that her hurting me was some universal statement of her morality. I was wrong.”

This moment marks a turning point in the book. By recognizing the futility of blame, Chang reframes his perspective, showing how growth begins with self-reflection and acceptance.

Healing, Chang explains, is about creating space for pain rather than resisting it:

“The important lesson being: Pain, like any other entity or energy in this world, just wants space to exist, to be. When we close ourselves off to it, we essentially tell pain that it isn’t allowed to be. Like any other entity that wants to stay alive, it will fight. This fight is often what causes us suffering, not the actual pain itself.”

As Chang delves deeper into his healing process, he uncovers a valuable insight about the nature of pain itself. He emphasizes that pain “wants to be loved as well.” This means allowing it to exist without judgement, accepting it as a part of the human experience, and nurturing it in a way that allows for transformation. 

This insight is central to Chang’s message. By embracing his pain, he stops projecting his trauma onto others, allowing him to see his ex-partner as a fellow human rather than a villain:

“It’s only when I recognized this, and was finally accepting how broken I actually was, that I could break free from my own trauma. The moment I accepted that she wasn’t a bad person but simply another human, was the moment I realized I was one too.”

Chang’s suggestion to write down one’s experiences of heartbreak fosters a deeper understanding of personal patterns and emotions. This exercise reframes heartbreak as a shared human experience, highlighting connection over isolation. 

Ultimately, Chang’s story serves as a beacon for those struggling to find themselves again, encouraging readers to embrace their pain, learn from it, and eventually, love the version of themselves that emerges from it.

CORINNE PERRY is a recent graduate of Western Michigan University, where she studied English Literature. Perry has interned with Third Coast magazine and serves as the English department’s student representative. She reviews Jaymen Cheng’s memoir, exploring its blend of self-help and themes of identity.